


Psychedelic Silhouette

by hyunjinist



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Barista!Seungmin, M/M, Tattoo artist!Changbin, implied woochan, kinda one sided 2min, lit major!seungmin, minho is seungmin's "guardian angel", minor hyunlix, roommates!seunglix, seungmin looks up to minho a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 05:26:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15722892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyunjinist/pseuds/hyunjinist
Summary: Seo Changbin was an avalanche that took Kim Seungmin out and taught him how to properly breathe again.





	Psychedelic Silhouette

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWttGChn5ZE) song.
> 
> enjoy reading!

Seungmin emptily gazes at the white ceiling of his dormitory room. His roommate, Felix, had left somewhere earlier, claiming to “have business to attend to,” when the both of them know that he’s meeting his boyfriend. Felix doesn’t have any morning classes today. Seungmin doesn’t pay much attention. Felix would like to believe he’s a great liar. Seungmin thinks he’s wrong.

It’s nine fifteen, and Seungmin has a class at ten. He has prepared everything already. There’s no rush. Yet Seungmin would usually be the first to arrive in class. He hasn’t felt well for the past week. His eyebags a little more prominent, his sighs a little deeper, his confidence a little thinner.

His everything’s getting a little something, and not the good kind. Seungmin sits up on his bed and grabs everything he needs before leaving the room. His steps are a little more hesitant than usual. The day feels a little longer as Seungmin’s heart gets a little heavier.

Seungmin receives a message from Lee Minho, his friend who he sees as more of an older brother, telling him to come meet him at the parking lot once all his classes finish. Seungmin types in a quick okay before he continues to take notes of whatever the professor was talking about.

Lee Minho is everything Kim Seungmin is not. He knows what he’s passionate about. He loves dancing. He has his own dance workshop. His parents support what he’s doing. He’s doing great in his college classes, too. There isn’t any reason for anyone to not support him.

On the other hand, Seungmin still has no idea on what he’d like to do for a living. He likes poems, he likes books, he likes words. He has a part-time job as a barista. He’s doing well in his college classes, perhaps a little better than Lee Minho himself, but compared to him, Kim Seungmin is nothing. Lee Minho is perfect and Kim Seungmin isn’t.

Lee Minho and Kim Seungmin met each other in high school. Minho was a senior, Seungmin a sophomore. Their parents were friends, and Seungmin’s parents trusted their child with Minho. Minho then became Seungmin’s undeclared guardian. No one minded it. 

Seungmin was a bit skeptical of Minho in the beginning, choosing to ignore the latter’s presence rather than engage in an actual conversation with him, for he found the latter to be _intimidating and cold_. Lee Minho is everything _but_ cold. Kim Seungmin just hadn’t known him that well.

Whereas Kim Seungmin judges, Lee Minho searches for different perspectives. When Seungmin finally decided that talking to the older boy wouldn’t hurt his ego, his assumptions immediately flew out the window. Lee Minho was nice, talented, amazing, _perfect_. Everything Kim Seungmin wasn’t.

Kim Seungmin started showing his true sides to Lee Minho. Lee Minho happily took him under his wing. Minho would be the first person Seungmin would contact no matter the circumstances, be it a study session or even late night calls. Lee Minho loved Kim Seungmin so much, the latter eventually learned how to love him back.

But Kim Seungmin only saw Lee Minho as a brother. Lee Minho talked about Kim Seungmin with all the stars in the sky in his eyes. Whether Kim Seungmin was either the center of Lee Minho’s universe or simply the epitome of Lee Minho’s world, it didn’t matter. Kim Seungmin was on top of all of Lee Minho’s priorities. Kim Seungmin refused to believe this.

For as long as Lee Minho lives, he is Kim Seungmin’s guardian angel, whether the latter would like it or not. Kim Seungmin doesn’t believe he’s perfect, but Lee Minho is set on making him change his mind. Even if his feelings were obviously not reciprocated, he would give all his genuine smiles to one Kim Seungmin only.

Seungmin’s classes end undeniably and irritatingly slowly. He’d been feeling down more than usual, it’s slightly concerning. He didn’t want depression to haunt him. Not again. He’d experienced enough already. 

As per Lee Minho’s request, the one and only Kim Seungmin arrives and greets him at the parking lot. Lee Minho gives him his infamous smile.

“You’re choosing a tattoo for me today,” Minho says, his grin plastered perfectly on his face. He’s holding his car keys in one hand while the other one is tucked inside his jean pocket.

Seungmin takes a look at him and scoffs. “A tattoo?”

“Yes,” Lee Minho clarifies. “The parlor’s gonna close if you don’t hurry your ass up.”

Once both of them are seated, Minho starts the car engine and drives off to a certain parlor. Seungmin isn’t interested in anything tattoo related, so he doesn’t ask where the place is. Too much effort. He’s tired.

“What do you have in mind?” Minho asks, breaking the silence.

“People get quotes sometimes, right?” Minho nods to his question. “Then get your favorite one.”

“Hmm…” Minho hums, thinking of a quote. “ _And in that moment, I swear we were infinite_.”

Seungmin raises an eyebrow. “Wallflower?”

“Yeah,” Minho smiles, “I like the quote.”

So Kim Seungmin doesn’t really end up choosing one for Lee Minho. He did help a little, though. If that counted as help. Seungmin doesn’t see the importance or relevance in tattoos. Minho shrugs.

“We’re here,” Minho announces once the car is parked. Seungmin gets out of the car first, followed by Minho. 

The place Minho drove them to wasn’t that far away from their campus. The exterior seems simple. Seungmin doesn’t know a lot about tattoo parlors, but he thinks this one’s good. He believes Minho wouldn't go to a shitty parlor, either.

Minho enters the parlor first, Seungmin right behind him. There’s various framed photos of everything, anything and nothing at the same time. Each of the individual lines in every photo looked like it was carefully made. Seungmin likes that little detail.

“Here to get a tattoo today?” A voice asks from behind him. Seungmin turns around and is met with a black-haired guy. The guy’s wearing a black long-sleeve, so Seungmin can’t really see if he has tattoos on them. 

“Him, not me,” Seungmin says, turning to Minho.

The tattooist glances at Minho before leading him to an empty seat. Minho sits down comfortably, the tattooist asks him what tattoo he wants and Minho tells him.

“My name’s Changbin, by the way,” the tattooist introduces himself. 

“Minho,” Minho introduces himself too, “and over there is Seungmin.”

“I take it you’re not into tattoos?” Changbin asks, his eyes on Seungmin. Seungmin shakes his head in reply, not really interested in whatever the tattooist would’ve talked about if he were into tattoos. Changbin only hums, continuing to focus on inking Minho’s bicep. “Same college?”

Minho nods. “I take Computer Science, but I like dance. Seungmin takes English Language and Literature. He likes those things.”

Changbin perks up at this newfound fact. “Sounds fun.”

“You make it sound as if it’s not,” Seungmin grumbles.

“I like writing too,” Changbin corrects himself, laughing. “Just more of the songwriting kind.”

“Does it not hurt?” Seungmin asks, his brows furrowed at Minho.

“It kinda stings a bit?” Minho answers, a bit unsure. “But I wouldn’t want to scream in front of you. What would happen to my guardian image?”

“You’re lame,” Seungmin says flatly. “I’ve thought that way since the first day we met.”

Minho lets out a dramatic sound. “I can’t believe this.”

Changbin continues the inking, a smile on his face. He likes it when his clients aren’t screaming to death, yelling curses on how much it hurts at him or even regretting getting a tattoo. He likes it when his clients aren’t anxious. The atmosphere is nice.

They talk a bit more, but Changbin doesn’t really reveal much of himself. Seungmin’s a bit intrigued, but being himself, he doesn’t pry. Not now, at least.

Changbin finishes Minho’s tattoo after a bit. Both Minho and Seungmin stare at it. It’s beautifully done. “Take the bandage off after 24 hours and make sure to wash the tattoo properly, man.”

Minho thanks Changbin, pays for the tattoo and pulls Seungmin out of the parlor. Seungmin takes one last glance at the tattooist, and he could’ve sworn he saw a little of his inked arm. 

Once both of them are back inside Minho’s car, Minho grins at him. Seungmin raises an eyebrow. “What?”

“I’m not as perfect as you think I am,” Minho says, his eyes a little softer.

And Seungmin knows what he means. Asian parents are extremely strict on the idea of tattoos, and Minho’s parents had never shown any agreement on him getting any form of permanent inking on his skin. Had Minho, perhaps, rebelled? 

“I don’t think you’re perfect.” _Lies, Kim Seungmin. You have always looked up to Lee Minho, even if you’ve never realized it. Admit it._

Minho hums. “I wonder what my parents would say.”

Ah, so Minho really did get a tattoo without his parents’ permission. Yes, Seungmin knows Minho was never perfect, but he viewed him as so anyway, disregarding the fact that he too had went through a difficult time dealing with his mental health. He wasn’t perfect, he never was. But for as long as Kim Seungmin lives, Lee Minho is still perfect in his eyes.

The car ride is a little quiet after that. Minho doesn’t offer Seungmin to stop at their favorite little cafe. Minho drops him off at his dormitory. They say small goodbyes before Seungmin walks towards his room. Minho leaves not long after.

Seungmin fumbles through his jean pockets for the room key to his before opening the door and locking it right after. It’s around six or seven, Felix is laying down on his bed, smiling with his phone in his hands.

“I bought takeout,” Felix says, eyes not leaving his phone. “It’s on your desk.” 

Seungmin quietly thanks Felix’s presence in his life. Was Minho disappointed that Seungmin didn’t react the way he expected him to? Did Seungmin say something wrong? Or was it something he didn’t say? Or perhaps Seungmin’s still sort of shocked by the fact that Minho had gotten a tattoo just to prove that he’s imperfect too?

Okay, it’s getting a bit out of hand. It’s not like Minho decided on a tattoo just to show his imperfections to Seungmin. Of course he’d have his other reasons. It’s also not like Seungmin never knew that Minho’s imperfect like everyone else, too. Seungmin’s just acting weird. Weirder than usual. Been that way for the past week, actually. Seungmin sighs as he plops down on his desk chair and opens the package.

“Thanks for the food,” Seungmin says, earning a _no problem_ from Felix. He dives in, his stomach a bit angry.

“Eat slowly, don’t choke,” Felix sweetly reminds him, “I won’t pay for your grave.”

“Thanks, I feel the love,” Seungmin replies, rolling his eyes.

Seungmin and Felix go to bed a little earlier than usual, 10PM. They both have morning classes. Not the greatest way to start a day. 

 

 

—

 

 

No. _No, no, no, no, no_. This was not supposed to happen. This was never supposed to happen. 

It was never supposed to happen, but it did. Seungmin nearly drops his phone when he reads the text he had just gotten from his mother.

 

**Mom**  
Seungmin, your grandmother just passed away.  
_16.47_

 

No, no, no. This can’t be happening. Seungmin feels as if his world is crashing down. Maybe the continuous depressing thoughts were just snippets, an intro to what he’d experience now. Every single emotion feels as if it’s crashing down onto his fragile state right now. He doesn’t feel good. His eyes are wide and shaking, tears beginning to form near his eyes, his breathing becoming more ragged. It’s as if he’s being pulled away from reality.

This isn’t his first time feeling this kind of detachment. He has had panic attacks before, but never at his workplace, where all his coworkers, manager, and even customers could see him in his extremely fragile state. His guardian angel isn’t here, either. Seungmin starts sweating, his throat getting tighter. It’s getting harder to breathe. He hates this feeling.

Then he feels an arm wrapping around his shoulders, pulling him closer to a warmer place, and a hand on his head. The hand caresses his hair softly. Seungmin can hear whoever it was trying to calm him down. Minho would usually be the one who’s always there for him, but this time, things are different. The person trying to calm him down is definitely not Minho. Everything feels different and new and weird. Who—?

“...’kay, it’s okay.” The voice is nice. It’s soft but a bit gruffy too. Seungmin closes his eyes, trying to calm himself.

“She was everything,” Seungmin starts to blurt out. “They were never home, they never cared, but she did. She gave everything. She was everything. I lost everything.”

The person keeps quiet, opting to listen to Seungmin’s sudden rambling. “She left, she left. Fuck, she left. She left.”

Seungmin’s tears continue to fall as the stranger continues to try and calm him down. Seungmin’s worst nightmare just came to life; the stranger somehow understands how painful it must be. 

They stay like that for a while. Seungmin’s breathing becomes normal and his heart rate not speeding anymore, either. Seungmin’s still shaken by the previous information. Perhaps he had loved his grandmother a little bit too much. His parents, after all, told him to never have a too-much-something relationship. Too many strings were attached. Seungmin is completely and utterly heartbroken.

His grandmother had been the one person that had supported him through everything. Welcoming each and every one of Seungmin’s imperfections, holding him in her arms with a warm promise that she’ll always support him. His grandmother was his pillar. And now that pillar is gone.

Once Seungmin regains a normal enough state of mind, he looks up at the guy holding him. Seungmin’s eyebrows immediately furrow. _What is he doing here?_

“I came by to say hi to my friend,” Changbin explains. “But then I found you.”

“Uh, thanks,” Seungmin says a little awkwardly.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Changbin asks nicely. “It’s fine. I can meet my friend later.”

Even if Seungmin’s head told him not to, he did anyway. He accepts the older’s presence slowly. Changbin isn’t the stereotypical _troublemaker tattooed guy_. His arms are inked, his eyes a little intimidating, but he has a heart of pure gold. For him to comfort a stranger so suddenly, Seungmin felt a something kind of feeling spreading throughout his chest. Something, because he isn’t sure what it is— yet, at least.

So Seungmin tells Changbin about the role his beloved grandmother held in his life. Seungmin tells him about all the big and small things his grandmother had done, for him, for their family, and most importantly for herself. Changbin could tell how much Seungmin looked up to her. His grandmother was like the parental caring figure he had always had, especially when his actual parents seemed to have been too busy to care. 

Seungmin starts feeling better. He isn’t crying anymore, but he isn’t exactly smiling either. Changbin still listens. Until a few loud steps come into the room and break whatever moment it is that they shared.

“Seung— Changbin?” The voice asks out loud, unsure of what he’s seeing. “What are you doing here?”

“Just thought I’d say hi,” Changbin says, staying in his position. “I was just comforting him.”

Chris’ mouth forms a little ‘o’. “Seen Jisung around lately?”

Changbin shakes his head. “Thought the both of you were working on something.”

“We _were_ ,” Chris corrects. “I’ve been helping Woojin out with his flower shop lately—”

“I don’t need to hear your love story,” Changbin cuts in. “Anyway, mind if I steal him for a bit?”

“Seungmin?” Chris raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, sure. Jeongin’s out there working just fine. I don’t see why not.”

Changbin says a quick thanks before leaving Chris’ family cafe. The Bang Family had always loved cooking. Chris still composes with Changbin and Jisung occasionally, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have any love for cooking either. 

“Where are we going?” Seungmin asks, breaking the silence. God, he’s still in his uniform. If Changbin were to drag him somewhere fancy, or even a mall, Seungmin swears he’d—

“Nothing fancy, stop worrying,” Changbin answers. “You think loudly.”

“You can read my mind?” Seungmin asks, eyebrows furrowed.

Changbin rolls his eyes. “You’re being too obvious. Wasn’t that hard to read.”

Seungmin lets the older of the two drag him to wherever it is he’s dragging him to. Changbin makes Seungmin put on a helmet before the older drives his motorcycle off to wherever. The sky’s getting dark, Seungmin still has an essay to write even if it’s due next week, not to mention the uniform he’s _still_ wearing— he just wants to change and get comfortable already.

“We’re here.”

Seungmin looks up. Huh. That’s weird.

They’re in front of his dormitory, and he has never been more confused. Hadn’t Changbin wanted to take him somewhere?

“You’re not getting off?” Changbin’s question snaps Seungmin out of his daze. Seungmin quickly gets off and gives Changbin’s helmet back. 

“Thanks.” _For driving me home. For comforting me during one of my panic attacks. For getting me out of work earlier. For listening to my story. For everything._

Changbin hums, something equivalent to a _you’re welcome_ , before the older puts his helmet on and drives away. Seungmin watches as the motorcycle disappears. He turns his back and heads inside, a feeling of relief and anxiety piling up. He didn’t want to have to explain to Felix on what happened or have talk to his parents over the phone yet. Not after this great loss. They wouldn’t understand.

Seungmin opens and closes the door quickly, locking it right after. Felix isn’t back yet, probably on yet another date, and for once, he’s thankful for it. He doesn’t want to be disturbed. Not now. Not when he’s feeling as if he’s being buried underneath snow. White. That’s all he sees. The color that apparently corresponds to angels and heaven, his grandmother: white. That’s all he’s seeing.

He takes a quick shower and changes into a pair of grey sweatpants and a white shirt before throwing himself onto his bed. His phone lets out an unnecessary loud ping. Seungmin groans before reaching out and unlocking it.

 

**+821122080999:** _hope you feel better, seungmin_  
**+821122080999:** _it’s changbin, by the way_

 

Seungmin doesn’t add the unknown number to his contacts immediately. Seungmin doesn’t put it as ‘Seo Changbin’ either. He puts it as _short tattooist_ and nothing else. Only for now. Perhaps.

Seungmin replies with a _thank you, sleep well_ before placing his phone back on his nightstand. His phone stays untouched for the rest of the night. His essay stays unfinished. But Seungmin couldn’t care. This was his way to cope with loss. He didn’t like crying. His heart would beat as if it didn’t function properly. Or at least that’s with how he feels. He wouldn’t be able to breathe properly. His chest would be suffocated. He hated it. He hated the feeling of not being able to do anything. 

When Changbin comforted him, Seungmin had already only been seeing white. The color’s just blinding. It would’ve been better if it were black, but it wasn’t. Changbin comforted him. Everyone has their weakest point. To Seungmin, it happened earlier. When he received news of the thing he absolutely dreaded, when he broke down _at work_ , and when someone he’d just met comforted him instead of his own best friend slash guardian angel. Perhaps Kim Seungmin should be embarrassed. But he’s thankful.

 

 

—

 

 

Lee Minho is everything Kim Seungmin is not. He knows what he’s passionate about. He loves dancing. He has his own dance workshop. His parents support what he’s doing. He’s doing great in his college classes, too. There isn’t any reason for anyone to not support him.

But Seo Changbin is also everything Lee Minho is not. Lee Minho has been there for Kim Seungmin for years, while Seo Changbin merely once. Lee Minho likes dancing, Seo Changbin likes composing and tattoos. Whereas Lee Minho has a dance workshop, Seo Changbin has his own tattoo parlor. Kim Seungmin doesn’t know who to choose.

Lee Minho has been there for Kim Seungmin for years. He has always fulfilled his unannounced title as ‘Kim Seungmin’s Guardian Angel’ after Seungmin had opened up to him a few years back— with a bit of a struggle. And yet here is Seo Changbin, with his black long sleeves covering his possibly fully tattooed arms and his sharp, kind of intimidating eyes had managed to do it in one smooth sweep. 

For the next few weeks, Changbin keeps visiting the Bangs’ cafe. Seungmin is usually on duty whenever he comes. Seungmin learns that Changbin’s go-to is a strawberry yoghurt smoothie. He’d order coffee sometimes too. Sometimes Changbin would ask him to sit with him, to talk about their worries, to talk about life’s burdens on them.

Sometimes Changbin would throw one of Seungmin’s fries into the younger’s hair just to spite him. Sometimes Seungmin would hold in his scream and somehow accidentally spill the older’s drink. Chris thankfully never catches them when they’re doing this ridiculous interaction that could _potentially harm the cafe’s reputation_ , but everything’s okay. Seungmin’s okay. Changbin’s okay. They’re okay.

Sometimes Seungmin would take multiple peaks at Changbin’s lyric book. Sometimes Changbin glares at him. Sometimes he lets him read it too. Seungmin gives feedback that Changbin never asked for, but is thankful for anyway. Whenever Chris or Jisung compliment the lyrics Seungmin had his input on, Changbin would tell him, and it sends a feeling of joy throughout Seungmin’s chest. Changbin takes note of the shy smile Seungmin makes whenever he’s complimented.

Sometimes Changbin would ask him how his paper or whatever assignment he was working on was going. Seungmin would sigh, telling him it’s _making my head spin_ , so Changbin would help him. Seungmin learns Changbin likes words too, and Changbin’s words were beautiful.

Sometimes they would search for old poets and poems and read them together. Analyze them. Seungmin would chuckle whenever Changbin’s tongue slips and turns the _s_ into a _j_ (It’s vision, Changbin) while Changbin would raise his shoulders a bit, saying how _it doesn’t matter, it’s a style of art, you of all people should get it, not judge it_. Seungmin would laugh again.

There are times where Chris catches them spending their time a little longer. That’s when he’d go up to them and clear his throat. Changbin would roll his eyes and take a sip from his coffee or whatever drink he’d ordered while Seungmin would plop another one of Changbin’s fries into his mouth. Seungmin gets back to work. Changbin holds in the need to throw the rest of his fries at Seungmin just to spite him again. 

Lee Minho is perfect, and neither Seo Changbin nor Kim Seungmin are. The both of them are far from it. Lee Minho may love Seungmin for so many reasons, may protect him at all costs, but Lee Minho is too perfect. He is too far for Kim Seungmin to reach. While Seo Changbin stands beside Kim Seungmin, with the same (perhaps less, perhaps more) amount of imperfections as him. Seo Changbin can easily grasp Kim Seungmin’s hand and reassure him with everything, whereas Lee Minho would have to fly back down to Earth from Heaven to be in one place with Kim Seungmin. 

Kim Seungmin still thinks Lee Minho deserves better. Lee Minho thinks otherwise. But Seo Changbin had appeared and inked his way onto Kim Seungmin. Not by using Kim Seungmin’s arms as a canvas for his tattoos for he still doesn’t see the enjoyment in skin-inking, but by providing the right amount of comfort, warmth, coldness and distance all at the same time.

Seo Changbin was an avalanche. Lee Minho was one world away; Seungmin’s make believing while he’s wide awake. Seo Changbin’s eyes had always intrigued Seungmin. Kim Seungmin and Seo Changbin are different but similar. Lee Minho could only stand at the side to see how well, how graceful the two had transcended into a psychedelic silhouette.

Seo Changbin didn’t need to be as perfect as Lee Minho. Being Seo Changbin was enough, and until Kim Seungmin accepts that Lee Minho is imperfect, Lee Minho will still love him no matter what, Kim Seungmin will always continue to see him as an older brother figure, and Seo Changbin will be himself, hand grasping Kim Seungmin’s own. It was fine like this. Sure enough, Lee Minho ends up finding someone else, yet still upholds his title as Kim Seungmin’s Guardian Angel. 

Kim Seungmin had never meant to fall for Seo Changbin. But Kim Seungmin had been buried underneath and all that he could see was white. Kim Seungmin didn’t see all of this happening, but it did. Seo Changbin was and is his salvation. Seo Changbin took him out and taught him how to properly breathe again. 

 

 

 

****

**BONUS**

 

 

 

 

One morning he receives a nice hit to the cheek (courtesy of his roommate) and a parcel in his hands. “It’s from Changbin.”

Kim Seungmin tunes out Lee Felix’s voice talking over the phone with his boyfriend, Hwang Hyunjin, and focuses on the parcel instead. There are some spearb lyrics on various colored papers, some roses and a note. Kim Seungmin holds the small note in his hand and read it quietly.

 

_I’ll be away for a week. Gotta do something with Chris and Jisung. There are things I wanna say, but I’ll keep it short. Be my boyfriend? :)_

_Accept the flowers.. they’re not as pretty as you. But I tried. (This was Jisung’s wording. I don’t trust him)_

 

“Confess properly, goddammit, Seo Changbin!”

Seungmin ignores Felix’s and Hyunjin’s laughs. _It’s not funny, I’ll kill both of you, Felix first_. The pair keep laughing. Seungmin groans, takes his phone and yells at Changbin to come back quickly. This will _not_ do as a proper confession.

**Author's Note:**

> getting tattoos without your parents' permission is considered quite taboo in a lot of asian cultures.. seungmin still admires minho a lot yeah but ends up admitting he isn't perfect. seungbin bonding over pretty words... yes
> 
> kudos and comments are always highly appreciated!  
> hmu on [twitter](%E2%80%9Ctwitter.com/HYUNLlX%E2%80%9D) <3


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